My husband is very generous, he love buying thins. I am worried that we will not have our own house( I am 51 ) we do have an advisor, which I did organized, however, the advisor can only advice. I am very good with money , however he felt that it was his turn, and basically I have given up, asking any thing to do with finance, because he feels that i don't trust him. He has not always be honest, therefore I let it go and decided what happens happens, however > Should I be worried. Jantine

Hi Jantine,

welcome to the forums hun. Unfortunately your husband has a problem when it comes to financial responsibility and self control. He has a bit too much of the "in for a penny in for a pound" philosophy, and he does not think clearly or in the big picture. He loves you very much and doesn't want to worry you, nor does he want you to "tell him what to do" this is why he gets defensive and upset when you ask him about the state of finances. He is right though hun, you don't trust him, and you have reason not to... This is a big problem that boils down to respect. You want him to respect you by being honest and including you on decisions and concerns (like finance) that affect both of your lives very deeply. He wants to not feel like he is being "checked up on" or treated like he is out of control... but he is out of control, and he needs support and positive reinforcement to get on the right path.

Yes you should be worried... because he is not being very careful with money, your finances are not in the greatest shape, and I don't see him consciously wanting to change things or make it better. He is just sort of ignoring things and carrying on as though nothing is wrong. And this rift, is causing significant problems in your relationship, communication, openness is suffering... and that is a pretty dangerous thing :(

There are some very frank and difficult discussions, some realizations and some changes that need to happen here, for things to get on a positive track.

Best wishes to you hun,

In Love and Light,
Nora